Cold Comfort
by Nelarun
Summary: "...no one cares for you, not even the stars. But they don't judge. They just stay there in the sky and watch down on us. Offering us a cold comfort..."


:- Offerings of Cold Comfort -:

Nelarun

Jedi Padawan Lyra Tsukani lay outside on the grass, staring up at the night sky. It really was a perfect night. The stars were shining, there wasn't a cloud obscuring her vision of them, and the moon was just a tiny sliver over the mountains. She smiled as she let her mind wander, imagining the things she would do if she were a pilot, no ties to anyone, just her and the stars. Booted feet stopped by her head. "Ma'am?"

"Yes?" she asked the clone softly, not wanting him to interrupt her sky watching.

"We couldn't find you. Lights out is soon." he explained. "Didn't want you coming back in the dark."

"I'm not a child, Sergeant." she smiled, her eyes still fixed on the stars. "I haven't been afraid of the dark since I was in initiate housing." she finished off.

The clone didn't know what to say to that. The Padawan had a far away look in her eyes and a small smile on her lips. She had never been too serious, but this was different. It was troubling. She was quiet, pensive. He used the private channel to let the other clones know that he'd found the Padawan and he'd wait with her till she was ready to come in, then he sat down beside her.

"I love the stars. I never see them enough." she laughed softly. "Coruscant doesn't exactly have a star scape. Not any more. Well not of the burning gas variety, at any rate. Plenty of celebrities."

"Ma'am."

"The air's not poisoned you know." she informed him.

He hesitated then took off his helmet. The air quality in his suit was better. _Artificial_, a voice in his mind whispered. This was nicer some how. "How long have you been out here?" he finally asked.

"Five hours at least." she sighed. The moon had shifted again, resting between the twin peaks of the mountain, casting a little more light over the forest resting on the mountains feet, and the plains stretching out between them and the mountain where the garrison was nestled. "In the Temple we have a room. It's called the Map Room. It's my favourite room. Some like the Room of the Thousand Fountains. Others like the meditation rooms, training rooms, the Lake even. But the Map Room is where I feel at home. I found it by accident as a child. I was missing something, though I wasn't sure what. It wasn't my home. I couldn't remember it. I remembered the house we used to live in. I remembered I shared a room with my twin brother. He was annoying, always took my things, so I always took his." She smiled and turned her head to look at the clone beside her. "Then I remember the day that he made me so mad. He had torn apart my favourite doll. I remember balling my fists, clenching them so very tight. Then I just... well I just. I was five. The funeral was large. It looked to everyone like a tragic accident, but my parents knew the truth, I knew the truth. I had killed my brother in a fit of rage. I didn't choke him, just pushed him back. Apparently he had a brain aneurysm so when he fell back, it ruptured. Still, my parents didn't know what to do. That night, after they managed to fall asleep, I ran away. I didn't know where to go, I just ran. That night, I slept in a park. The stars were out and I knew that they were my friends. I remembered that I was bad, but the stars didn't tell me that I was bad. They just shone for me. When I found the Map Room, I'd found my friends again." She grinned. "The Map room projects an image of the stars over any planet. Some even have the stars as seen from moons. I used to lie on the floor and just look at the stars for hours at a time. If ever I wasn't with my clan, it was almost certain that I was with my stars."

The clone hesitated then lay down on the damp grass, looking up at the night sky. To be honest, he had never seen anything too fascinating with the stars, but suddenly, he saw a glimmer of beauty in them. The Jedi beside him fascinated him as well. It shocked him to hear her tale, that she had killed her brother when she was five years old, over a toy... Not even his training was as bad as that. He had never killed a brother. His brothers were the only things they had. If they turned against each other, their very reason for living would be gone. Contrary to popular belief, the clones didn't fight for the republic – not any more. They fought to keep their brothers alive.

"I can't wait for this war to end." she suddenly declared into the silence.

"Excuse me?"

"Once it does. I'm out of here."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not a Jedi. Not any more. There aren't any Jedi left. Not really. We're all twisted shades of who we used to be. We're pawns, just like you. But once this war ends, you'll be... we'll I don't know. But I'll finally be free. Free to be with my stars. I'll leave the republic behind and never look back. I'll travel the Unknown regions, I'll explore every nook and cranny, to the very edges of our galaxy. I'll be free. It sounds selfish. But it's true. That's what I'll do. I'm sick of fighting an endless war. If it weren't for the fact that I'm worried about you guys, I'd have gone already."

"You can go, ma'am. No one would think any less of you for doing so."

"Yes you would. 'There goes another Jedi' you'll say. 'Another one flakes out, and here we are to stay.' No, sergeant. You and your brothers are the one constant in this war, you and the droids... and politicians, and the fact that Jedi are dropping like flies, but because there are so few of us and so many of you, no one cares about you. No one but the stars." Her eyes were glued to them. "And they don't even care. But they don't judge. They just stay there in the sky and watch down on us. Offering us a cold comfort. Did you know, that should we go to a star, we'd be simultaneously frozen and burned? We'll freeze from space, and we'll burn from the star. Well, we'd die before we start to freeze. But -"

"Ma'am?"

Her voice stilled again and she looked at the clone beside her. "I'm sorry. For rambling. It happens sometimes. You know, I should have already been at the Temple. I'm one of the 'orphaned ones', as we've been dubbed. Masterless Padawans. But the ship sent to collect me never arrived. And I'm glad. I may not be a great Jedi; I don't have a tongue of silver, like Master Kenobi – nor a blade work of flawless power, like Master Windu. I'm not even remotely wise like Master Yoda. But I do have something. I have a purpose. I may not be shuttled off to war zone upon war zone, but that's fine by me. My purpose is to keep you alive long enough for the war to end, so that I can go about my journeys in peace."

The clone looked at her, tears were slipping down her face as she remembered her Master, but a smile graced her lips. They were silent for such a long time that the clone thought that she had fallen asleep, but then she shifted and sighed. "I love this spot. It's my favourite in the entire valley." she told him. "It's right between the twin peaks, and the moon always passes overhead. The stars are always brighter here, as well. Sergeant. If I die on this world, please promise me something." her voice was suddenly soft, almost inaudible, and yet it was so intense that he leaned his head closer to hers. "I want to be buried here, or have my ashes scattered, right here."

"In this very spot?"

"Right here. Right between the twin peaks. Right below where the moon travels. Forever gazing up at my stars. Please, promise me that if it's within your power to do so, leave me here."

He nodded and she turned her attention back to the stars. "Thank you."

Almost a full year later, when I carried out my orders, I remembered my promise. She had been a good commander. Young but intelligent. She had taught us how to play sabaac, and dejarik. She had bothered to learn all our names, and the names of our brothers – the clones we had grown up with. She had entertained us with stories from her childhood, misdemeanors and adventures all. She had mourned lost brothers, welcomed new brothers, fought alongside us with a ferocity and a tenacity that startled all. But in the end, she hadn't fought. She heard our blasters charging. She stopped walking in the hallway and turned to look at us. "Oh." was all she said for a long time. They had been waiting for me. I was the one who would start the firing. This they knew. I was the sergeant. They were my boys. She looked at me. Part of me didn't want to return her gaze. I didn't want to see her anger directed at me. But I looked, and what I saw was much worse. _Understanding_. She had known it was coming all along.

"If you wouldn't mind, ma'am, stepping outside. It's a dreadful mess cleaning up blood from these panelings." It was the only thing I could give her, a chance to look up at her stars one last time before she gazed on them for eternity.

"Of course, sergeant." she agreed and turned to walk outside. My brothers had lined the hallways to the exit, watching our commander pass between us, a funeral march as it were. She silently stood beneath her beloved sky, heavy with storm clouds, I had hoped that there would be a star or two still shining through. But I was wrong. There was nothing. Her face crumpled in pain at this. She would never see a starry night sky again. Tears slipped down her face and she took deep breaths before looking at me, the tears still falling freely now. "Do it, sergeant. Please. Do it now."

I was hesitant. How could she have been part of the traitorous group? I didn't understand. "Please." she whispered. She had been with us for the better part of two years. She had been forgotten, just like us. Left to guard a small patch of dirt that honestly didn't mean anything to anyone. Except that the Seps really wanted it for some reason, so that was enough reason for the Republic to want us here to stop them. And we had because of this girl before me, begging me to kill her. The girl who had led us through many victorious battles. This girl who loved to come out at night and lay on the damp grass and watch the stars for hours at a time. This girl who, if I followed my orders right, would never see a star again. I lowered the muzzle of my rifle to the ground. She stared at up, not comprehending. I switched to private frequency. "She's saved all our lives more times than I'd care to admit, she's just a kid, not part of whatever plans her seniors had. I'm letting her go, any here have a problem with that, say so now."

"No sarge." the negative voices filtered through to me. I stepped forward to the Padawan, who still stood there, tears still slipping down her face. She didn't make a sound.

"There is a ship. Take it girl, and go live your dreams. Fly through the Unknown regions, plot yourself faster hyperspace routes, just go." The look in her eyes never changed. She swallowed a few times before she threw her arms around me.

"Thank you," she whispered. I nodded and she let go before turning towards where the ship was hidden. It had been her ship. She could have left us any time she chose, yet she hadn't. She had chosen to stay with us. I watched as she quickly and fluidly pulled the camouflage from the hull of the ship and tucked it away safely before she turned back to look at me. She had a smile on her face. It was the same smile that had been on her face the night she told me of her plans.

I sent her a mock salute and she returned it before suddenly I heard a sound that chilled me. I prayed it was just a clap of thunder, and yet I knew differently. One of my boys had fired. She convulsed and collapsed to the ground. "Arrest him." I snapped, already moving towards her, knowing that my real brothers were taking him out. "Lyra?" I whispered, dropping to my knees next to her crumpled form. "I'm so sorry."

Lyra felt the bolt hit her and she knew she wouldn't survive it. There was no way she would survive this. Not even the Force was a miracle maker. Her face became familiar with the ground, and no matter how much her mind screamed that it was all so wrong, that her last view was to be of the sky, not the earth – could she muster the strength to turn over. When suddenly she felt herself lifted. Her Sergeant's helmet loomed in front of her rapidly dimming eyes. "Lyra?"

"It's a beautiful night, Sergeant." she whispered. "Thank you for allowing me my dream." Her eyes looked up past his helmet to the sky. "Look, sergeant. A star." tears slipped down her face again, but she didn't even seem to notice them. She just fixed her gaze on the star. "One lone star."

'One lone star' was all she whispered as she passed away. I was so furious at the clone who had done this to her, I didn't know what to do or say. Finally I lowered my helmet to her ear. "Now you're with the stars, you can explore them to your hearts content."

"Sir?" it was Hacker, my second.

"Hacker?"

"What are we going to do with her?"

"I made a promise to her. She wanted to be buried if she died on this planet. In a specific spot." My voice was calm and steady, and I don't know how I managed it. "That's what we'll do."

"And Sul?"

"He was just following orders," I replied after a moments thought. "I'll talk to him soon. Let's get a digging party together, I'll show you her spot."

And so, as the galaxy went through upheaval after upheaval, I wanted to make sure my commander got the last thing she ever wanted from this world. I found the place in between the peaks and waited. I wanted this to be perfect, she wanted to be on the moons path, so I would wait for the moon to go overhead. Once it did I would mark out her grave site, and we would dig it and lay our brave friend to rest, facing towards the stars, receiving their offerings of cold comfort...

A/N: Ok, so it's an Order 66 story, but I was thinking one night about how the stars don't judge, they just are. And this sprung up. I sat on it for a while before showing someone who did major editing on it... I hope you enjoyed it. (Thanks to Mountain Mummy for the beta!)


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